by Brad You know them. The people who become “offended” when they see anything that doesn’t overtly endorse the leftist agenda, and feel the irresistible need to mind everybody else’s business by complaining until whatever offended them goes away. Ranger Up just had its first run-in with one of these creatures. Out of deference to her, we’ll refer to her by the name by which she introduced herself: “The Whiner”. I had set up a Ranger Up kiosk just outside the post exchange at a large, infantry-heavy military installation spreading the good word of Ranger Up. The chronology of my exploits looked a little something like this: Day 1: Everyone sees our shirts and laughs, because our shirts kick ass. Day 2: Everyone sees our shirts and laughs, because our shirts kick ass. Day 3, Morning: Everyone sees our shirts and laughs, because our shirts kick ass. Then I encounter The Whiner, presumably a low-level DoD civilian. The Whiner: Who gives you permission to sell here? Me: AAFES, ma’am. Are you looking to set up on post too? Here, I’ll give you their contact info. (I think nothing of this exchange.) Day 3, Afternoon: An hour later, two women with AAFES nametags come by and start looking over my kickass display. They can’t stop laughing. AAFES Lady: These shirts are great. I see no problems with them. Me: Why would there be a problem with them? AAFES Lady: We got a call about an hour ago from a woman who introduced herself as “The Whiner”. She said that you were here outside the PX selling shirts that advocated drug and alcohol abuse. Me: No ma’am, that’s not what we’re about. AAFES Lady: Right, I can’t figure it out either. So which one of your shirts has a marijuana leaf on it? I don’t see it up here. Me: What? AAFES Lady: Yeah, this woman said you’re out here displaying a shirt with a marijuana leaf on it. Me: Well, our “Kiss Me I’m Bombed” shirt has a clover leaf on it, but you’d have to be a real idiot to think that… AAFES Lady: Yeah, guess that was it. Well, whatever, keep up the good work. (I spend the next couple hours having a good laugh over this.) Day 3, Evening: The head AAFES lady comes up and looks over the display with an apprehensive look on her face. AAFES Lady: A lot of these shirts are going to have to come down, Brad. We had a complaint earlier today. Me: Which ones, ma’am? And may I ask why? AAFES Lady: Douchebagistan…can you explain this shirt to me? Me: Well, a lot of soldiers that deploy to Afghanistan come back with a less-than-favorable view of their experience. This shirt, I think, nicely expresses that sentiment. AAFES Lady: Well, this woman was offended by it, Brad. It has to come down. Now, “Kiss Me I’m Bombed”? Explain this one to me. Me: Oh, it's making fun of Zarqawi… AAFES Lady: Who’s Zarqawi? Me: Zarqawi was the #1 terrorist on our wanted list in Iraq for over a year. We finally killed him this summer using two 500-pound bombs – hence the phrase “Kiss Me I’m Bombed”. We thought we’d mark the occasion by dressing him up as a leprechaun. AAFES Lady: He looks drunk, Brad. This woman is saying the shirt’s an alcohol reference. Me: No ma’am, that is exactly what Zarqawi looked like when we killed him. That picture got distributed all over the Army. AAFES Lady: This one still has to come down, Brad. Alright, I Club Hippies…what’s this one about? Me: We don’t like hippies. We wholeheartedly endorse their clubbing. AAFES Lady: This shirt advocates violence – we can’t have that. Me: What about the “Death From Above” shirts they sell in the PX? AAFES Lady: I haven’t seen those. (I point to the PX wall, where dozens of these shirts are visible.) Me: They’re hanging right there. AAFES Lady: I don’t have control over what they sell there. I Club Hippies needs to come down. Both of them. I am a bit irritated, not at the AAFES lady, who is just doing her job, but by the fact that the positive opinions of all the people that bought our shirts, who actually serve in the military, was trumped by one complaint from an overly sensitive loser. In typical Brad fashion, I wage my own personal war against the Whiner by going home and making some THIS SHIRT BANNED BY AAFES signs to put in place of the shirts on the display. In retrospect, this may not have helped my standing with AAFES. Day 4: A full AAFES assault team descends on Brad Land. I have nowhere to go. I’m surrounded. Ranger Up and I are promptly dubbed “too controversial and offensive” for the delicate sensibilities of paratroopers. I was escorted out and told never to return, under penalty of death. All over one freakin’ Whiner. Our banned styles are in the bestsellers section below: Copyright of Brad |
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