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If you’re like me, you watch show after show featuring the Zombie Apocalypse and wince as the main characters make bone-headed mistake after bone-headed mistake, exposing themselves to the zombie threat for no good reason, ill-equipped to dispatch the slow-moving enemy, and not quite grasping the fact that if everyone just settled down and gathered a baseline amount of food and water, they could easily defend themselves for a few weeks while the zombies rotted away to uselessness.
This is basic Zombie Theory people.
Now I can understand if you live in France and have nothing but creamy foods and bad accents to protect yourself, but if you live in America, the zombie apocalypse should last like 8 minutes.
Why, you ask?
Because we have guns. Lots of guns.
Of the 875 million guns in existence, we own 270 million of them.
That’s right, people, the U.S. of A. owns one third of the world’s guns.
That’s just freaking awesome.
So bring it on zombies. Bring your slow-moving, rotting selves to the American suburbs and see how it works out for you.
I actually think it would be good for America. Neighbor working hand in hand again without worrying over petty things like politics, status, and whether golf is actually a sport or a game. Just one man or woman covering another with suppressive fire while their neighbors move to the high ground with a couple of high powered rifles and a bag of cheese sandwiches, the way it was meant to be.
But there is one challenge:
The Hardest Part of the Zombie Apocalypse Will Be Pretending I’m Not Excited.